


Saving a Fallen Angel

by celticheart72



Series: SVU Love Stories [3]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 06:06:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11285238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celticheart72/pseuds/celticheart72
Summary: Amanda Rollins has spent her life closing herself off and being the good girl. When she and Eddie Garcia finally become involved she starts to understand what it means to have something meaningful and she doesn't want to give that up. But will she be able to overcome her tendency to lash out and push people away?Note: Rape/non con warning is present for SVU cases as well as mention of past sexual assault.





	1. Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> And this is the first chapter of Amanda and Eddie’s story. This occurs roughly the week before Lewis is taken to Bellevue in my companion Barba/OFC and Liv/OMC fics.

Amanda Rollins thought she was a complicated woman but if she were honest about it she was really just a hot mess. As much as she wanted to let her guard down and trust people, and have real friends it was hard. All of her life every time she did it came back to bite her in the ass and her automatic defense mechanism was to do something to push people away before they could hurt her. She felt like she spent more time lashing out and pissing people off than she did anything else. Lexi was the only friend she'd had who she genuinely trusted for the most part, there were a lot of things Lexi didn't and would never know, but at least Amanda knew that Lexi had her back. Frankly she could include Liv and Fin in there to a degree but Liv was also her boss so that was harder. Amanda had learned from a young age that the only person she could always rely on was herself. So now that she had a relationship with a man that genuinely wanted to be a real part of her life she didn't know how to handle it, but she knew Eddie Garcia was worth it.

Despite her attempts to seduce him they hadn't had sex yet, which frustrated Amanda to no end, but Eddie kept telling her he didn't want her to feel like sex was an obligation. All he would say when she asked was that when she realized she didn't have to use sex as an apology or to get something she wanted then they'd cross that line. She had no idea what the hell he was talking about but she appreciated the fact that he wasn't like the other guys she'd been with who just used her and lied to her. Every time she turned around though she was doing something stupid that she thought would push him away but Eddie was a stubborn man. The fact remained when it came right down to it she genuinely felt like she didn't deserve to be loved or to have a real relationship. She just couldn't understand why Eddie continued to be so patient and stuck by her when no one else had.

They certainly didn't meet under the best circumstances, Eddie had been grossly misled by his childhood friend Alex Munoz, and Amanda's first encounter with him was as an accused rapist. That all got straightened out though and Amanda and Eddie connected at Flannery's a few weeks before Thanksgiving. They'd exchanged cell phone numbers before leaving that night and had been seeing each other since but it had started getting more serious in the last month. Then her gambling started to spiral out of control which she’d been keeping from him, but when things started to get serious between them she screwed up again. Now she felt like she had to come clean and she wasn't sure if it was because she was subconsciously trying to sabotage the relationship or because she genuinely wanted the relationship to work.

She'd invited him over to her apartment for pizza and a movie. If things went well and he didn't storm out after her confession maybe, just maybe, she could finally get him to spend the night. They had similar taste in movies, though she was fond of chick flicks but she just watched those on her own or with Lexi and sometimes Liv. At least she was a neat hot mess, she didn't have to run around picking up crap everywhere just because Eddie was coming over. It was early April and had been in the low 60s so they were going to take Frannie for a walk and pick up a pizza on the way back to her apartment to watch _Grudge Match_. It was kind of appropriate considering Eddie was an amateur boxer. When she heard his knock on her door her heart skipped a beat, whether nerves from what she had to tell him or her normal very female reaction to him she wasn't sure.

"Come in Eddie!" She yelled to the door, she really just needed to give him a key and vowed to take care of that if he stuck around after tonight.

When he walked in she smiled, he had on a pair of well-worn jeans riding low on his hips, a dark green henley, and a dark grey hooded jacket. He had the serious look on his face she recognized he wore when he wasn’t happy with something and she wondered what she screwed up.

“Amanda,” he started, he only ever used her first name when he was trying to get a point across. “I know you’re a cop but I really wish you wouldn’t do that. Anybody could walk in here.”

She started to get defensive but the very genuine concern on his face stopped her and her heart actually melted a little. Dropping her eyes to the floor she fought the grin that was pulling at the corner of her mouth. “Why don’t I just give you a key?”

“Whatever it takes to stop you from leaving the door unlocked when I’m coming over,” he said rolling his eyes and grabbing her hand to pull her into his chest.

Putting her arms around him she rested her cheek on his shoulder and enjoyed the feeling of him, he had a fighter’s build. Lean but muscular, and it felt good. Sighing at the loss of contact when he stepped back she tilted her head back a little and pushed up on her toes so she could give him a kiss. If he was as good at other things as he was at kissing Amanda would empty her nightstand drawer of her little collection of toys. If they ever got to the bedroom that was.

When his lips left hers she licked her lips and smiled at him, dreading the conversation that was coming. “Eddie, after we walk Frannie and eat I need to talk to you.”

“Okay Angel, whatever you need,” he said with a smile as he called Frannie to him and clipped on her leash.

Her heart melted a little more at his use of the nickname he’d been calling her since around a month after they started seeing each other. Early on she’d told him she wasn’t opposed to pet names, but asked him not to call her ‘mami’ since she already had daddy issues, she didn’t want those images in her head when she was with him. She’d never asked him why he chose Angel though, and as unimaginative as she was she’d resorted to calling him ‘babe’ or ‘handsome’ on occasion. It sounded silly but he didn’t seem to mind. Picking up her keys she shoved them in her back pocket along with her ID and some cash and they headed out of the apartment with Frannie.

While they walked her dog hand in hand she kept thinking back to what she had to tell him, and suddenly she realized she didn’t want to sabotage what they had. She really wanted to be with him but she didn’t know how to have a normal relationship. Hopefully they could muddle through that together, from what she knew of his ex-wife he hadn’t had the best relationship there either.

They talked about her day, she couldn’t tell him about case specifics, but they talked in generalities and he told her about the work he was doing with Lexi’s brother’s security firm. He was going to be an armed bodyguard among some other surveillance and investigative duties and he actually sounded happier than he was when he was DOC. They stopped at their favorite pizza shop near Amanda’s apartment for the pizza along with a piece of carrot cake to share. Neither of them had a huge sweet tooth but they occasionally shared a dessert while sitting on her couch watching TV or a movie.

When they got back to Amanda’s apartment they sat at her table eating the pizza and continuing to talk about their jobs. Eddie talked about Danny too, how he was doing in school and some of the silly things his seven-year-old son had done that week. Amanda had gone to Eddie’s apartment for dinner several times and they’d taken Danny to the park and several other places, she loved kids and Danny was a sweet boy so it was easy. His mother was cautious of her at first, knowing as she did that Amanda had been one of the detectives to investigate Eddie during the Alex debacle, but with time she’d accepted Amanda with open arms. It warmed her heart to have at least one mother in her life who was happy to have her around just for her company and not for what she could do for her. She didn’t really want to think about Eddie meeting Beth Anne Rollins, or Kim for that matter. Turning her attention back to the man in front of her she cleared her throat and reached her hand out to take his.

“Let’s go sit on the couch so we can talk,” she said with a nervous smile.

“You know I don’t bite right Angel? You don’t need to be afraid to talk to me,” he told her as they moved to sit on the couch.

He sat on the end as he always did so she could stretch out and use his lap as a pillow but she chose to sit indian-style facing him for this discussion. Frannie jumped up between them and rested her head in his lap instead making Amanda chuckle softly.

Looking in his gorgeous deep brown eyes she took a breath and started to relay what happened when she got called out as cop in the gambling club. She told him everything. From the debt she was still paying off, to her shirt being ripped open and a gun held to her head in search of a wire, to her belief that the only way to save her ass was to give the club manager a blow-job or more. Then she told him what happened when she found out the club manager was really an undercover cop and what she had to do undercover to keep her shield. She had stood up while she talked and was pacing, he had remained calm and quiet the entire time.

“So are you done with gambling then?” Was his only question.

"Damnit Eddie! How can you be so calm?" Amanda fumed at him. "I just told you I was willing to blow a guy at an illegal gambling club to save my ass and you're not mad? What's wrong with you?"

He sat there his head leaned to the side resting in his hand with his elbow on the arm of the couch. The jerk looked relaxed and amused she thought as he petted Frannie whose head was still in his lap and was also looking at her in curiousity. "You were cornered in a bad spot. Remember how you met me? And I told you already, you're not gonna push me away because you think you're not worth my time.”

"My family is fucking nuts, I have a gambling problem and trust issues, not to mention daddy issues, and I was rap...reprimanded by my former Chief in Atlanta trying to help my sister avoid prosecution for fraud and possession," Amanda rambled on, very nearly slipping the one piece of information absolutely no one but herself and her former boss knew. She saw Eddie's eyes narrow slightly at her slip and knew what was coming, he was a fairly quiet man but he was intelligent and observant.

"Angel, sit down," he said gently but firmly in his deep raspy voice.

She huffed and pushed her hair back behind her ears before doing as he asked. Frannie was between them, at least giving Amanda a buffer. Eddie was nothing if not affectionate especially when she was upset, he wasn't much of a talker, his actions spoke much louder than any words he spoke. Right then though, she wasn't sure she could handle being too close to him, because she knew she'd tell him the truth if he asked. How he'd managed to gain her complete trust where no other man ever had she didn't know, but she found more and more that she was so very glad he did. It was nice for once in her life not to feel completely alone.

"You wanna back up and tell me what you were gonna say?" He asked, his hand had reached over to rest on her shoulder, supporting her if she needed it but not smothering her either.

Looking down to her hands in her lap she pulled her legs under her on the couch while she contemplated what she should say. Since the day it happened she'd never once told anyone about what Patton did, she'd just left the department and came north when the opportunity to join Manhattan SVU came up. Amanda had decided to put it behind her, it didn't affect her relationship with Eddie. At least she didn't think it did. "I don't want to talk about it."

That made him sit up and look directly at her, "So you're okay telling me you almost gave a blow-job to a guy who turned out to be an undercover cop to convince me you're not worth my time, but you're not okay telling me what's really wrong? That's messed up Amanda."

Amanda didn't look at him, she just stared at her hands and fidgeted.

"Angel, I know I don't always say much, but I watch you. You're hurting, even when you say you're happy, you're hurting. How many times do I need to tell you you're not alone and I'm not going anywhere because you think you're too screwed up to deserve something real?” He had moved Frannie to the floor and pulled Amanda forward into his arms.

She leaned into his chest, wrapped her arms around him, and brought her legs up next to her. With her eyes closed she breathed in his scent, leather and patchouli, and it calmed her. He really was worth making the effort to have a long-lasting relationship and he just kept knocking down little pieces of the walls she had spent years putting up. Tears started running down her cheeks when she realized even though she had screwed up he was still with her, supporting her, and trying very hard to make things better.

“Hey, hey,” he rasped, pushing her up from his chest so he could look at her face. “Come on Angel, tell me what’s wrong.”

Amanda drew her bottom lip between her teeth as she looked at him and held an internal debate on whether to tell him absolutely everything.


	2. Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amanda tells Eddie almost everything and they finally get intimate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, smutty second half.

****

Eddie was looking at Amanda expectantly, concern etched all over his handsome face and Amanda opted to tell him everything. Well almost everything anyway. She told him about her father and how she tried so hard to get his attention and gain his affection but he was always more concerned about his next big win. As his gambling addiction worsened he started drinking and he started losing more and more until it finally killed him. That was why she had such a weak spot for men in power and had an underlying need to be to be the good girl, she was still trying to get her daddy’s attention and affection. Her daddy issues led to her jumping from man to man and it was pretty well known back home that she got around.

Her sister was worse, where Amanda had chosen law enforcement, Kim had chosen a life of cons. She got involved in drugs and fell for abusive men. Amanda told Eddie about Jeff and what happened in Georgia as well as New York, and how Kim had forged her signature on a life insurance policy then cleaned her out and fled when the truth about the fraud came out Their mother, Beth Anne, had always favored Kim. From the time they were little girls their mother always told Amanda to take care of her little sister, reminding Amanda she was the good girl and the strong one. So in addition to her daddy issues, she had mommy issues too.

All that essentially led to her not trusting anyone because they always seemed to let her down. Kim used her to get herself out of trouble. Her mother used her for support (since she couldn’t be bothered to lift a finger to support herself) and to make sure Kim stayed out of trouble. Men used her for her body. She wanted so badly to believe everyone meant well that she trusted the wrong people. Amanda told him about her gambling problem and that when Cragen found out rather than fire her he got her into Gambler’s Anonymous where she met Nate. That led to what happened with Lena Olson and how Nate was 13th stepping her, and that spiraled her into gambling again which led to what she already told him.

While she talked he’d pulled her back down onto his chest and stroked his fingers through her hair. She loved it when he did that, it was soothing and made the back of her neck tingle. Her cheek rested on his chest over his heartbeat which was steady and calm and when she felt herself choke up she’d just take a deep breath of his scent. Eddie was a good man, and so worth Amanda making a real effort to have a relationship with him. The more she talked the worse she felt about what could have happened with Lieutenant Murphy had he not been an undercover cop.

“Eddie, I’m really sorry for what I did. If Murphy hadn’t been undercover I would have done what he asked to save my ass,” she whispered into his chest.

She felt him take a deep breath, “I’m not happy about it Angel, but the fact that you told me the truth about what happened says something. I’m more worried about you putting yourself at risk. You didn’t answer me earlier. Are you done with gambling now?”

Amanda nodded into his chest, “Yes, I’m not going back. I’m paying off what gambling debt I have with the overtime I work. I have more of a reason now to stay out of that life than I ever have.”

His arms tightened around her before his hand returned to stroking her hair, “Now you wanna tell me what you skipped over earlier?”

“What?” She swallowed, she’d hoped he would forget about that.

“About your former Chief,” he said into her hair.

Her heart started hammering in her chest. She didn’t want to talk about what Patton really did, she really didn’t, so she opted to tell him part of the story but make it sound like it was her idea. “Kim was facing felony charges for wire and check fraud and possession. I offered to have sex with my Chief to keep Kim from being prosecuted and he reprimanded me for it.”

Eddie was quiet for a minute, “You sure that’s the story you wanna go with?”

“It’s what happened,” she whispered.

He sighed, “Okay Angel, we’ll go with that for now. But I know that’s not the whole story.”

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth again and turned her nose into his chest. If she told him he’d know how broken and weak she was and leave. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry Amanda, trust me,” Eddie said to her.

That made her sit up, “That’s just it, I do trust you. More than I ever have anyone, it’s just going to take me a little while to get used to being in a relationship with someone that’s not using me.”

His hand was touching her cheek and he had a slight smile on his face, “I’ll never use you and I’m not going anywhere so get used to it.”

She nodded, “I know.” And with that she leaned over and touched her lips to his, he responded by deepening the kiss and she took a chance and moved a leg over him so she was straddling him

They kissed passionately for a few minutes until Amanda’s heart was hammering in her chest and she could feel herself getting wet for him. This was the closest they’d gotten to sex and she was really hoping he wouldn’t put the brakes on this time. Reaching her hand down she tried to undo his buckle but he grabbed her wrist and she sat back with a frustrated groan.

“You know I don’t expect this yeah?” He said, still holding her wrist and his brown eyes looking right into her blue.

“I know that. I’m doing it because I want you, not for any other reason,” she huffed at him. “Don’t you want me?”

He gave her a look of incredulity and took her hand and touched it to his chest where his heart was racing then moved her hand to his jeans where she could feel he was rock hard, “I’ve wanted you since we first started going out. I don’t want you to feel like you HAVE to do this in order to make me happy. That’s the only reason I kept stopping you.”

She tugged her arm and he let go of her wrist, then she leaned down so her lips were brushing his ear as she spoke, “I know I don’t have to handsome. But I want to, and right now I’m so wet if you don’t do something about it I will.”

That got him motivated. His hands reached around her and grasped her ass as he stood up, she wrapped her legs around him and he walked them to her bedroom where he shooed Frannie from the bed and dropped Amanda onto it. She watched as he grasped the waistband of the yoga pants she wore and pulled them down, leaving her white lace panties in place. Amanda was used to hard and fast, most of the time that’s how she liked sex, because for her it had just been a means to an end and wasn’t about the intimacy. With Eddie though she really wanted to savor it, she wanted the intimacy. His hand splayed over her stomach, tickling the skin around her belly button, before he moved onto the bed and kneeled between her thighs. He was looking at the white lace of her panties and seemed to be debating something.

“Eddie…” she whispered, she was leaning back on her elbows watching him. He seemed to finish his debate because he leaned down and kissed a trail from her belly button over the lace and when his lips hovered over where she wanted him the most she groaned in need. When she felt his fingers push the lace away and his tongue barely touch her lips she whimpered. He had a skilled tongue and she could have come on his tongue alone but he slid a finger into her and slowly thrust it in and out as he licked her.

When she was right on the brink of orgasm he stopped and she looked up in alarm to find him sitting back and pulling his shirt over his head with a smile. He didn’t say a word as he made quick work of the buttons of her shirt which she shrugged off to the floor along with her bra. When he leaned down and took one aching nipple in his mouth she moaned again and felt his finger slide back into her. Arching her back up she felt his thumb brush her clit as he moved his mouth to the other nipple and when his thumb brushed her clit again her orgasm hit her hard and she moaned his name.

He kissed the insides of her thighs and stood then. While she watched he put the finger he’d used on her in his mouth and sucked her off it with a smile making her swallow hard and lick her lips. Now that she wasn’t in a fog of need she could appreciate his bare very muscular chest and the v of his abdominal muscles that lead to what she really needed of him.

“Keep those on,” he said pointing to her panties, “I’ll be right back.”

She looked down at herself and wondered why he wanted her to leave the panties on, but didn’t question it and turned on her side so she could prop herself up on her elbow. When he came back he had what looked like a small sleeve of condoms in his hand.

“What happened to being good at timing?” She asked him with a grin.

He actually managed to look sheepish at that as he tossed the condoms onto her nightstand and went to unbuckle his belt, “Ah…all bullshit. Danny was planned.”

Amanda watched in mute appreciation as he unzipped his jeans and noted the trail of hair that let her know he wasn’t wearing anything underneath them. He sat down on the side of the bed to take off his tennis shoes and socks and when he stood back up he moved toward her pushing his jeans down over his hips at the same time. When his erection sprang free she reached out and grasped him making him groan while he shook the offending piece of clothing off to the floor. Her small hand caressed his warm length and when she rubbed a finger over the tip he surged forward onto the bed over her and leaned down to kiss her. She was so wrapped up in the feel of him over her she barely noticed when one of his hands reached out to her nightstand and grabbed one of the condoms he brought in and somehow managed to roll it on without breaking their kiss. When he’d settled between her legs and she felt his fingers move the lace of her panties then the tip of his erection pressing into her lips there she fought the urge to press her hips forward and make this hard and fast. God she just wanted to let him take the lead and feel what it felt like to be really wanted.

“Angel, look at me,” she heard him whisper.

Her eyes fluttered up to his and his lips hovered over hers as he watched her, seeming to be waiting for something. “I want this Eddie, I want you.”

His lips took hers as he sank slowly inside of her making her gasp at the sensation, when he was buried completely he paused for a second then pulled back quickly and thrust slowly. He kept that pace for what felt like forever driving Amanda absolutely crazy but she held back though she did lift her legs and wrap them around his trim waist. That made him groan and falter just slightly but it gave her the desired effect when he picked up his pace causing more friction at her clit. It didn’t take long before she felt her second orgasm coming on and she arched up into him moaning his name again. His thrusts grew more erractic then and with only a few more she felt his release inside of her and his hips still as he ground out her name. He shifted off of her so he wasn’t crushing her and they lay there together for a few minutes catching their breath before he finally got up to discard the condom and clean himself up. When he came back he was carrying a washcloth which he used to clean her up as well. That simple gesture almost made her cry, she’d never had a man take so much gentle care with her physical needs or feelings as he did.

When he laid back down next to her he pulled her into his arms and pulled the sheet up over them. For the first time in her life she felt content and happy, and safe.

“Can I ask you something?” She whispered into his chest as she trailed kisses along his pecs.

“Anything Angel,” he said, his fingers stroking through her hair again.

She smiled against him, “Why Angel?”

He chuckled and she could feel the deep rumbles of his laughter in his chest as he used a finger to lift her chin so she’d look in his eyes, “Because whenever I look in those beautiful blue eyes of yours and see the sadness that’s always there you remind me of a fallen angel and I just want to do whatever it takes to wipe that away and put happiness there instead.”

Tears started dropping from her eyes onto his chest as she looked at him and his words sank in, he just smiled at her and held her as they did.

 


	3. Good For Each Other?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amanda obsesses and deals with Nick then spends the night at Eddie's house.

Amanda spent the next several days trying to wrap her head around the fact that Eddie was sticking with her even though she was such a screw up. He finally spent the night that first night they'd had sex and it was by far the most incredible night Amanda had ever spent with a man. All because of the feelings and intimacy they shared. As difficult as relationships were for Amanda she was determined not to screw this one up. She just hoped Eddie would continue to be understanding when she inevitably did something stupid.

It was just a few days later that William Lewis escaped and Amanda’s urge to gamble came roaring back and nearly overwhelmed her. Things happened in a whirlwind the morning of Lewis’ escape. She was actually at work early that morning, getting there at 7 before anyone else had arrived, and caught the call notifying their squad that William Lewis had escaped. The first thing she did was try to reach Liv and when she didn’t get an answer that just sent her into a full-blown panic. Fin came in not long after that followed by Nick and they all took off to figure out what the heck happened. When they found out Liv was on her way to Bellevue with Shane and Tucker and that she requested Lexi who was at the squad with Rafael she and Fin headed back there. Fin went in ahead of her while she parked her squad car and texted Eddie.

_Amanda: Please meet me at Bellevue ER. William Lewis escaped and went after Liv again._

She put her phone in her pocket and ran inside to head upstairs. Her phone pinged before she got into the elevator.

_Eddie: Driving one of the cars from the office over there now. You okay Angel?_

_Amanda: Nope, not at all._

She stuck her phone back in her pocket and burst out of the elevator where she found Rafael and Lexi at her desk, “Come on you two. Let’s go.”

Amanda had put her hand out to hold the elevator door open and was waving her hand for the two of them to hurry up and get in. She stuffed her hands in her pockets and watched the panel change floor numbers until they got to the ground floor and filed out. When they got into Amanda’s squad car she stuck the side of her right thumb between her teeth and worried on it while she bounced her left leg.

“Amanda, is Liv okay?” Lexi asked from next to her.

Dropping her hand to her knee she tried to think of something reassuring to say but couldn’t come up with anything, “I don’t know.”

She drove as fast as she could while obeying traffic laws and not running her lights or siren and worrying over everything that popped into her head. When she started to slow down in front of the ER Lexi jumped out of the car with Rafael yelling at her to slow down. Amanda parked the car and they followed her into the ER where Rosie, the little nurse Fin liked, led them back to a waiting area. She paced around while alternating between wringing her hands and rubbing them on the sides of her jeans. Her back was to the door and she could feel it when Eddie walked in before he said a word.

“Hermano, Amanda,” came his deep raspy voice, just the sound of his voice made her feel better.

“Eddie,” Rafael stood up and walked out of her field of view, she could hear them do their man hug thing and speak quietly.

She started pacing again until Eddie stepped in front of her and grasped her shoulders, they hadn’t told anyone about their relationship yet and this wasn’t the time or place for them to find out. Looking up into his brown eyes she saw concern reflected there.

“Amanda, you okay?” He asked quietly.

She shook her head and said quietly, “No, but now’s not the time.”

“Okay Angel, you’re driving me back to the office later. We can talk then,” he told her giving her shoulder a light squeeze.

Amanda just nodded and then her mouth dropped open when she saw Fin walking in with Lieutenant Murphy.

“Detective Rollins, you’re doing well?” He asked amiably as if their history wasn’t problematic.

Amanda stood there nodding open mouthed and looking at Lieutenant Murphy then hoping like hell Eddie wouldn't figure out who he was while they were there. She was ashamed of herself. Eddie never would have considered doing what she would have done to save her ass if he’d been in a similar situation. Eddie wasn't mad over what almost happened but how was he going to feel now that she had to work with Murphy, because she knew he was going to find out. She had to tell him. There was no way she could keep this from him, could she?

Not only did she have this drama running around her head now but she was also feeling guilty over William Lewis. If she wasn't in the park when he exposed himself he never would have met and obsessed over Liv, and Liv wouldn't have had go through this mess now. Amanda resumed her pacing until Nick walked in with John Munch and she went and sat down on the other side of Eddie and just bounced her leg while they waited. She wanted so badly to reach out and take Eddie's hand, she needed his calm right then, but she could feel Nick watching her and she knew that would be a fight.

Their 'break up' had been mutual because he wanted to make things work with his wife, and she got that, but Nick didn't let things go. He was possessive and jealous which was the biggest issue Maria had with him. After he and Maria separated yet again he'd tried to start things back up with Amanda but she was already with Eddie and had turned Nick down. That apparently turned his jealousy onto her since he couldn't focus it on Maria and he watched every little thing she did. His staring was making her decidedly uncomfortable, along with Murphy being there, and she started feeling like she needed a meeting. Only that wouldn't work either because she still hadn't found a new sponsor and her trust was completely shot where that was concerned.

She started to jump up but Eddie held a hand out to halt her forward motion and said quietly, "Calm down Amanda."

He hadn't even touched her but his voice helped calm her nerves at least a little bit and that was enough to set Nick off.

"We need to talk," he had moved to stand in front of her.

Before Amanda could even bite back a reply Munch intervened, "Come on Nick, sit down. There will be criminals to harass and direct your frustrations on later."

Nick backed off but kept watching Amanda and all she could do was roll her eyes and sit with her leg continuing to bounce. Captain Cragen had walked in at some point and was sitting next to Munch. Amanda leaned forward with her elbows on her knees and put her head in her hands. She was trying really hard to control her spiraling emotions but there was too much in that room that could blow up in her face. It wasn't long before Lexi came into to update them and everyone started talking at once.

Finally, Liv was being discharged and Shane was taking her to his place. After Eddie gave the keys for the company vehicle to Shane he walked over to where Amanda waited by her squad car. Fin was going to take Rafael and Lexi back to the squad with Lieutenant Murphy. She saw Nick walk out with Munch and he started to make a beeline toward her until Munch pulled him back and she was grateful. The last thing she wanted was to deal with his meddling and listen to whatever he felt he needed to say.

Eddie was watching her as they pulled away from the hospital, "Angel, what's going on?"

Rolling her eyes she glanced quickly to him and back at the road, "Oh I don't know babe. My boss, and friend, was just attacked, again, by a man I collared. She's got PTSD because of what he did to her the first time. The undercover cop I almost gave a blow-job to is now in charge of my squad. And the detective I used to date thinks he needs to meddle in my love life." That wasn't how she intended to tell him any of that, but it just fell out of her mouth and she mentally kicked herself. She heard Eddie chuckling next to her and she shot him a dirty look.

He held his hands up with a smile still on his face, "Sorry Angel, you sound like one of those bad soap operas my mom watches."

"Gee thanks Eddie, that's about as helpful as tits on a bull," she snapped at him.

That really got him laughing, and she fumed for about a minute while he composed himself. "Seriously, what went down with Liv isn't your fault. Pretty sure that cop isn't worried about what you almost did," he laid a hand on her right thigh making her leg tingle. "And why not just tell people about us?”

She knew he was right, but things were never that easy for her. If things went the way they always did someone was going to give her a really hard time about Eddie, and she was betting that someone would be Nick. He could never see that people made mistakes and deserved second chances, no matter how many he himself got. Eddie was a good man, and yeah, he’d had some serious lapses in judgment where Alex was concerned but so had Amanda where her sister was concerned.

“Look Amanda, I get the feeling you’re feeling self-destructive, yeah?” He asked her seriously.

Taking a deep breath she really wanted to say no but she promised herself she wouldn’t lie to him, “I’m blaming myself for a lot right now and feeling pretty out of control.”

“So lean on me.” They had pulled up in front of the security office. “You wanna bring Frannie to my place and stay with us tonight?”

Amanda put the car in park and turned in her seat slightly to look at him, “Are your mom and Danny going to be okay with that?’

He took a deep breath and let it out before looking over at her, “I’m 43 years old Amanda, I take care of my mom and son. I never brought random women through my home. My ex-wife and you will be the only ones. You understand me?”

Her mouth was open and she was staring at him, she thought she knew what he was saying. Swallowing hard she nodded, “Okay, I’ll get Frannie and come stay tonight.”

“Good,” he said and leaned over to give her a quick kiss before he got out of the car and waved to her as she drove away.

All the way back to the squad she thought about the direction her relationship with Eddie was going. She had overused the word love for past relationships to the point that she wasn’t sure she really knew how it felt to be in love. If she woke up tomorrow and Eddie was gone she’d feel like a piece of herself was missing. Was that love? She just didn’t know and the only person she knew who had a real loving stable relationship was Lexi. Maybe she needed to drag her girlfriend out for some beer and karaoke so they could talk at some point.

When she got back to the squad of course Nick was waiting for her. She wasn’t sure if it was jealousy, some ridiculous feeling of self-righteousness, or genuine concern that made him feel the need to get in the middle of her business but it pissed her off.

“Amanda, bunks now,” he snapped at her, Fin looked up from his desk and narrowed his eyes at Nick but didn’t move to follow them.

Shaking her head Amanda headed into the bunkroom behind Nick who slammed the door closed. “Seriously Amanda? You go for criminals now?”

“Excuse me Nick? What did you say?” She snapped and turned to face him with her hands on her hips.

“You heard me. Eddie Garcia? Do you even know anything about him?” He moved in close and stared down at her.

Amanda pushed against his chest to move him away from her, “He’s a better man than you. At least I’m the only woman in his life, he’s not using me as a substitute for someone else.”

“He’s a criminal Amanda!” He reached out to grab her wrist but she yanked it out of his grasp.

“He paid some women off, he didn’t kill anyone, or rape anyone. He made a big mistake trusting a childhood friend who knew how blindly loyal he was. How many mistakes have I made Nick? How many have you made? We both got second chances.” She was pointing right in his face then, and was so livid she was shaking. “You don’t have any say in my life Nick so leave me alone.”

With that she stormed out of the bunkroom and went back to her desk across from Fin who was looking at her with some concern. Ignoring him she logged into her computer and started working on the paperwork she had on her desk.

“For what it’s worth baby girl all that matters is that he’s good to you, everybody deserves a second chance if they can do something right with it,” Fin told her seriously.

Amanda couldn’t help but smile, “Thanks Fin.”

“I got your back,” he glanced up at her with a smile of his own.

Nick walked out then and huffed down into his chair, Amanda just ignored him until it was time to go home. She made it home in record time, threw some clothes and toiletries into a backpack along with food and travel bowls for Frannie, and made her way to Eddie’s house. When she got there Mrs. Garcia answered the door and smiled fondly at her as she moved aside for Amanda to come in with Frannie. Amanda let Frannie off her leash and the dog immediately went to lay down with Danny who was lying on the floor in front of the couch drawing on a pad of paper. Mrs. Garcia sat down in a chair and picked up a basket of yarn and needles while telling Amanda that Eddie was in the kitchen cooking.

When she walked into the kitchen she found Eddie at the stove in a pair of dark grey sweatpants and a DOC t-shirt both of which showed off how fit she knew he was underneath. Groaning internally to herself she ran a hand over her forehead and cleared her throat.

Eddie just smiled as he flipped chicken on the grill pan he had on the stove, “I wondered how long you were gonna stand there staring.”

Shaking her head she moved toward him and pushed up on her toes to kiss him, he reached a hand down to her hip and deepened their kiss making her all but melt into him. “You’re easy on the eyes Eddie.”

That made him roll his eyes as he gestured to the cabinet, silently asking her to get the plates down, “You’re loco.”

She got the plates and utensils and started helping him carry food to the table where they all sat and ate. Danny told them about what he was learning in school that day and Mrs. Garcia talked about what she was doing with her church group. Amanda mostly picked at her food, not because it wasn’t good, to the contrary Eddie was surprisingly an excellent cook, but she was just feeling fidgety and off again. Hearing Mrs. Garcia talk about church just reminded Amanda how very different she and Eddie were. He was Catholic, she wasn’t, and she wasn’t a church goer either. Not that she’d ever recalled Eddie mentioning going to church once in the entire time they’d dated, but it could still pose a problem which just added something else to her worry list. When it came time for Danny to go to bed he gave Frannie a hug and kissed her head then ran over to Amanda and hugged her legs making her smile before he ran off to his room with his father following closely behind.

“You’re good for him, you know,” she heard Mrs. Garcia behind her as she watched Eddie go through Danny’s door.

Turning to the older woman who was sitting in her chair knitting Amanda sat down on the couch, “You really think so?”

Eddie’s mother nodded, “I know you struggle with things, I see it when you come here, you’re not at ease in your own skin sometimes. But you care about him and Danny, and that means more to me and to him than you know.”

“I’m…” Amanda hesitated trying to find the right word to describe how she felt about Eddie, she was afraid to use the word love for fear of screwing it up.

“I know mija,” Mrs. Garcia said with a smile and looked back to her knitting as Eddie walked back in the room.

“Talking about me?” Eddie asked his mother.

“No mijo,” she said to him. “Guarda esto mijo, eres bueno el uno para el otro.” _Keep this one son, you’re good for each other.”_

Shaking his head he kissed his mother’s cheek, “No Spanish Mom, Amanda doesn’t speak it.”

“She’s not going anywhere, she’ll learn,” Mrs. Garcia said with a sly look to Amanda making her chuckle.

He grabbed Amanda’s hand and pulled her along behind him to his room and for some reason Amanda was feeling especially nervous. Maybe because she was staying the night with Eddie in his home, with his mother and son, and she was just realizing she wasn’t Catholic and they had such different backgrounds and she was such a screwup and… Amanda realized her thoughts were racing a mile a minute and she couldn’t focus. Frannie followed them through Eddie’s door and discovered quickly to her delight that he’d put a dog bed in there for her and she immediately curled up in it. Seeing that was apparently the last straw for Amanda and she started to cry.

Eddie looked completely baffled and went to take her in his arms but she just waved him off so he pulled the covers on the bed down and sat back against the headboard watching and waiting her out. When she finally calmed down she looked at him sitting there with his ankles crossed, fingers laced together and hands resting in his lap, and a slight smile on his face.

“You wanna tell me what freaked you out?” He asked calmly.

“You know I’m not Catholic right?” She blurted.

Eddie looked at her like she had two heads, “I got that. Why?”

“Doesn’t it bother you?” Amanda asked, “You’re Catholic. If we ever, oh I dunno, got married we couldn’t marry in the church.”

“That what you’re worried about Angel?” He asked with a tilt of his head, “Don’t be. I can’t get married again in the Catholic Church anyway, they don’t recognize my divorce.”

She switched gears, “I’ve got a gambling problem Eddie.”

“I know, we’ll deal,” he said simply. “You’re trying to convince me you’re not worth my time again. Not gonna work, so stop.”

“You’re frustrating you know that?” She asked quietly.

“Yeah. Come here,” he held his arms out to her and she kicked off her shoes and crawled up on the bed. Wrapping her arms around him she felt his arms drop down around her and he kissed the top of her head, “I’m not perfect either Angel. So stop thinking you have to be in order for me to love you.”

She froze at his words, “Eddie…”

He squeezed his arms tighter around her and pulled her to lay down on the bed with him, “Don’t start Amanda.”

Turning in his arms so she could look at him she could see he was serious in what he said. Maybe she’d never understand why, maybe she just needed to accept it. He kissed her then, tenderly and with feeling, and she forgot to worry anymore after that.


	4. UPDATE

I know several people have asked if I am continuing this fic. There hadn't been a lot of interest in it and I lost motivation. But I will work on chapters to close out the storyline so it's not just hanging out there unfinished. It might take me some time to get through it but I will. If you're interested and still reading thank you! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Once again definitely let me know if you like these two together and want more of this story. As I’ve said before Lexi and Rafael’s story is the primary and will continue. But I wanted somewhere to explore the other two emerging couples without muddying my original storyline. The timelines between the them will mostly parallel.


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